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Date:2008-01-24 12:14
Subject:a trip to new zealand, meeting keri
Mood: contemplative

I spent a month in nz last winter, cycling, kayaking, hitching around. Spent 3 nights in keri's town (that i will leave unnamed for the sake of her privacy, though it isn't too hard to find if you want to find out).
I corresponded with her prior to departing (aka sent her a letter and gifts), and she was eventually willing to meet me. We spent the evening, talking talking talking, about so many things, had dinner with her friends & neighbours, then went back to her place to talk some more. I left at 2 am, and was invited to meet again the following morning (for suggestions for the remainder of my trip).

I feel secretive and loyal (how could i not, admiring her work as i do) about describing her as a person.
I could see a lot of Kerewin in Keri (obviously), though was warmer than i imagined her to be.
We could not stop talking, and seemed to share a lot of values and interests.

A pretty big life dream was lived, and it has taken me months for it all to register.

I would be happy to elaborate in a more private format, if it interests anyone.

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Date:2005-11-13 23:57
Subject:kia ora koutou

just thought i'd give a kia ora to you all.
this is my favorite book of all time.
i've re-read it every year since i got it in 96'.

this is great..... i just returned from aotearoa today and i almost bought a new copy from whitcoulls... i think it's larger than my copy. does anyone know about this current edition?? should i have picked it up?

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Date:2005-11-07 14:59

i know the time is upon me to reread the bone people.
everytime i read it, something in me changes.
sometimes i explore my darker side,
sometimes i become a full blown hermit
sometimes i become so sensitive that i get a panic attack with the beauty of the prose, and to the beauty around me.

i'm a little frightened about what will change, if anything.

i need to resolve a conflict first. so i can be clear.

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Date:2005-06-03 19:23
Mood: contemplative

amazing how i begin to crave chocolate as soon as michael leaves. one ritter bar per day. oops. at least it's good sex chocolate.
things seem to be unravelling in my brain. things really started snapping into place during yesterday's perfume session. it was really amazing. i grinned all afternoon, as if i were freshly in love. phoebe ignited that, not for her silly, but for the darling silly man i call my love. she mentionned a perfumer years ago who worked in a small space behind a curtain. she said she knew he was a mystic when she first met him. i told her that was the michael that runs the show (or pretends to) and my lover (god that sounds weird). she flipped out about "but he's a mystic!". i grinned all afternoon.
i really like this feeling of being alive, and yet i share it online. odd.
drinking my wine (my post work drink, as opposed to my during the workday drink), relaxing.
i wish i were more involved in my book (the god of small things- you'd think i'd melt in that one), it seems like a good evening to curl up in the hammock with a good book. i could pull out the bone people, aka the book of my soul.
sleepover tonight with my girlyman succulent.
long overdue we might say.
as for conformistsheep, i miss your daily visits for the net.

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Date:2005-05-25 23:21
Mood: sleepy

Didn't they say in 'Reading Lolita in Tehran' that a novel should shake you up, turn your world upside down (in more eloquent words of course)

when i read the bone people now, the words alone, out of context can move me to tears. the story does too, but the more times i read it, the more i feel like kerewin, joe and simon are speaking to me (ok, maybe not the mute simon). they seem to think in the same language as i do.

the line that moves me to tears (connected to the plot, so will not be a spoiler) is
"Ngakaukawa, kei te ora taku ngakau. E noho mail." in maori of course. (beginning of chapter 9)
the first time i read it, i almost didn't bother with looking it up in the glossary, and when i read it, i wept like joe did.

i think the fact that the book can rip me to pieces and make me sob like i am personally mourning is part of why it means so much to me.

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Date:2005-05-06 23:07
Subject:why i love kerewin
Mood: content

What do I love?' musing on it.
‘Very little. The earth. The stars. The sea. Cool classical guitar. Throbbing flamenco. Any colour under the sun or hidden deep in the breast of my mother Earth. Ah Papa my love, what joys do you yet conceal? And storms... and the thunderous breaking surf. And the farout silent waves...and o, dolphins and whales! The singing people, my sisters of the sea... and anything that displays gentle courage, steadfast love. The still brilliance of garnet, all wine, water of life and bread of heaven and grave shimmering moon....” (423)

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Date:2005-04-15 22:29
Subject:haircutting when wined is not the best of ideas and other words of wisdom
Mood:a little too introspective

the haircut. oh well. nothing catastrophic (at least i haven't seen the damage yet).

am feeling anti-social at the moment (and yet i grasp lj like a life preserver)

when i was 14 and completely shunned by all, i was told it was because i'm too happy.
then, when the inevitable depression set in (no friends, just abuse...) i was told it was because i'm too sad.
i wonder if those may have been words of wisdom.
when i'm too happy with life, i feel like it's 'cool' to be depressed.
and when i'm depressed, i sure don't feel like it is.
a sense of belonging can sure be evasive.
like when something really great happens in a dream and you grasp it because you know it's a dream and you don't want to let it go when you wake.

i'm neither and both right now. (happy and sad, and dreaming and awake)
i am feeling rather alone. which is ok, but i'm not in the mood.
the demons do have a habit of sneaking up on you when you're alone and vulnerable.

the wine sure has a tendency to put the mirror up in from of you (and your bad haircut)

the mirror really could have been handy behind me when butchering my hair.

i feel like i have invoked Kerewin.

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Date:2005-04-14 20:39
Subject:sensualist/ hedonist is me

making truffles while drinking wine
(from glasses i discovered were crystal when drinking in the tub last night).
he comes home exhausted, and we spend time holding each other.
amazing how a single stroke can light a fire.
those things that make me love that i am alive (in no particular order):
red wine (the color, the taste, the luxurious aura, the wonderful wine drunk)
baths (warmth, the evasive softness of water)
candlelight and incense (need i elaborate)
chocolate (good chocolate that is: bitter/sweet, fiery in its way, sex in its way)
the process of melting chocolate (so smooth, so sensitive to the elements, graceful somehow)
sex (i really don't need to elaborate)
the warmth of sunlight on my skin (or inside my skin, it feels like)
loving: feeling vulnerable (which frightens me), feeling connected (no division between you & me)

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Date:2005-04-03 21:45
Subject:welcome me, welcome all

am i the only one who thinks it is the best book ever?
perhaps i am.
well, as this page begins, i will have a sort of monologue exploring what the book means to me. jump in at any time. though i also enjoy my solitude, there's a time when dialogue is a good thing to consider.

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